I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
