I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
