Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
