Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
