You smell like stripper and shame
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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