did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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