i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
