Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
