Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
