The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does it feel to date your dad?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
