i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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