It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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