This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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