There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize