the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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