Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
