You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
