What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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