thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
