Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
