Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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