I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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