sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
