discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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