Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
