Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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