If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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