I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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