Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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