I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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