god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Small penises have feelings too.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize