Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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