You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
