you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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