And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
