I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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