I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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