if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
