JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
