the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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