Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize