I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
