if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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