I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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