This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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