I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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