had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
