im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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