Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
