I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
