Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
