Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
