There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
