Say something about gay babies.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
