Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm really busy with my period
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