9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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