If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
