sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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