my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
