And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
