I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
