i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
