dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize