I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
