I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
