I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize