he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need to get me chipped asap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize