Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
