This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
