My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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