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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
