I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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