the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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