Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
