I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize