i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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