Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm passing your future prison.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
