I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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