I could make wine with my vomit
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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