He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
