I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
