We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tonight lets celebrate not being married
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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