This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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