I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize