im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
