You're so nebulous sometimes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
