I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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