Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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