youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
