she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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