Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
