So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
