Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
