I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Buhtt sex?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
