How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
