You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
