I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
