somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
