even my farts smell like vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
