You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
